Bad Boys and Bridesmaids

A lovely sounding lady called Snow Blossom called this week to ask if I would be able to take in her bikini bottom of her bathing suit so she could go to Hawaii next week. Usually this involves taking in a seam or two or tightening up straps so I agreed to see her the following day at 10:30 am.

She calls the next morning to tell me she forgot that she teaches Pilates and yoga every morning and she could not come until after she picked up her kids at school at 4 pm. OK, I say, as it is only a bathing suit bottom and it should not take too long to pin it tighter.

She arrives in a huge van and unloads two boys, one about 10 years old and the other around 6 years old. They come in and remove their shoes and immediately jump unto my chairs at my desk and sewing machine and start to spin them. I ask them to stop and thinking that the waif-like ethereal floating mother wearing tights, a cami and huge doily over her shoulders in 40 degree weather would agree with me that this is dangerous and downright annoying and disrespectful. She does not even bat an eye and then they take to spinning faster and bashing each other with small rice filled cushions from the sofa. It is all out war in my sewing room and now they have moved both chairs into the middle of the room and are spinning and hitting and screaming and still nothing from the mother to say “STOP IT.”

Her first words were “I don’t have any money to pay for this” and “what will it cost?”

I just want these bad boys out of my sewing room and out of my life so I say “How about $5” thinking that would be the end….but no. After leaving the sewing room to visit the bathroom down the hall to try on the bikini, at which time the kids are really getting restless and shouting “I’m hungry”, she dreamily enters and says she has decided that after seeing my sign about only accepting clean clothes, she thinks she might take the bikini home to wash it. Great…maybe we can call this quits and the kids will disappear…but wait….she hauls out more hippy type clothes from her recycled bag and tells me that one raggedy old sundress is her favorite and she has worn it for 20 years. She wants the straps shortened and for another new knit tunic she wants me to take in the side seams and wants me to know that she bought this dress for $6. This is when I know she does not want to pay for either of the 2 extra garments…she is thinking that $5 works for all 3.

The older boy is shouting asking me what the small hanging sign on the doorknob says and I ask him if he can read it thinking a 10 year old can read three small words “DO NOT DISTURB” and he snaps back “I don’t read, I’m in second grade” and then the mother explains they go to a progressive school where children don’t learn lessons or reading or spelling, they are as the school website describes “our students are encouraged to find themselves”. Mainly mothers who send their kids there like their darlings to sing songs, knit and crochet and speak a few French words until they are in 6th grade and then they enter the real world.

After pinning out everything she says she wants them in 3 days because she is packing suitcases early. I can’t deliver this order in 3 days with bridal gowns backed up and custom pants stacked up so we agree on 5 days. Then she says she will toss the bathing suit into my porch when it has been washed and return with the kids later on. The boys wander into the entryway and try to inspect every single thing on the table and she finally says “those are not yours” and I show them to the chair to put their shoes back on and get the heck out of my house. They continue to complain that they are hungry and she says they can have some organic string cheese in her recycled bag but they shout they already ate that and they want something to get the cheese taste out of their mouths so she suggests an organic apple and then they say they already ate the apples…it will be a long ride home for these boys.

On the bridal side of life I worked on a Vera Wang bridesmaid dress and while it was pretty easy to take in the side seams 2 inches and add an extra hook and eye, steaming the ruffles proved maddening.  

Here is what it should look like after steaming:

Click on this link to see what those huge roses-like ruffles do to a skinny model’s butt. What was Vera thinking? No real bridesmaid has that shape and I have a sneaking suspicion that the dress was clamped in the back to make it more fitted. That beige organza color on a beige colored girl just makes her look ill and bloated. But we all know that the bride gets her way on her special day.