Did you lose something?

The quickest way to piss off a bride if you are one of her many bridesmaids is to lose weight. Once the dresses are ordered and paid for it seems as though it is just the perfect time to sabotage the program. So, they do their best.

This particular bridesmaid had a real “beef” with the bride…the color of the dresses. While I am pinning up 3 layers of chiffon and satin she looks down at me and says,”Everyone knows that redheads don’t look good in pink, look at my pure white porcelain skin, this is not my best color, you would think the bride would have taken this into consideration before she chose the color.” REALLY?

So to make a point, this little chickie decides to drop 20 pounds…just before the wedding in 2 weeks. The alteration involves removing the zipper, as per usual, and taking in the center back seam 5 inches (2.5 inches each side) and re-attaching the zipper. Then I ask, “Are you planning on losing more weight?” and she sheepishly says, “I don’t know”. I say, “well, tell me now as I’m not going to do this alteration twice in 2 weeks.”P1170602-2

Following her, a bride arrives with this Allure Bridal dress, nice corset back with a very heavy dragon tail:IMG_3690

She says she got a real good deal on this sample dress, less than half price, but all the beads are all falling off, 3 loops have been trashed and hanging off the back and she somehow has mysteriously lost 20 pounds too. What does this do to the dress? Well, the corset, when laced up now meets in the middle with no spread, not pretty so I have to figure out a way to make this dress narrower so we have that gap in back. The only side seam without encrusted beads is the right side so I can pin 2 inches out. Now, we get a little gap but that actually throws off the center back a lot but the bride only wants the tightness, big bust pads and the portion below her butt taken in so that she cannot possible sit down…OK…nothing new there! Let’s look inside:1-take-in-butt take in the butt,

2-take-in-side-seam take in side seam

7-new-seam17-loop-out18-loop-hole19-basted-back-and-bustle The dragon tail must weigh almost 4 pounds and will be bustled up using a very sturdy button and loop. Back photo has had the tattoo covered over.

The next July bride, one of 8, comes for her second fitting, she arrives 45 minutes late and only thinks to call after I call and leave a message on her cell phone. It seems the hair salon was running late and it never occurred to her to phone me as she was going to miss her 11 am Saturday morning appointment. I never accept clients on Saturday or Sunday as those are my “flat-out sewing days” but I stupidly made an exception.

back-neckline-2back-neckline

I ask if she has gained weight and she swears nothing has changed…and when I look around to the front bust area…there is a huge problem…the bride has decided to bring along her own extra set of rubberized gel boobs the size of tennis balls and tuck those behind the already huge bust pads I have sewn in…well, well…adding another 2 inches in front certainly affects the back. I tell her to take those puppies out or she will never get her zipper up and she whines in her baby voice, “I just wanted to look bigger”…yes, bigger but not better. Brides…most live with the boyfriend before the wedding so he knows what the package is before the wedding vows so the extra padding is always to impress the audience and look more like Jessica Rabbit. That darn cartoon character has caused more pain and havoc for seamstresses ever since that movie came out! There are even women who have had plastic surgery to look like her.

As the weather is heating up to the 90′s + I wish you all cool sewing rooms and refreshing drinks and backyards filled with zucchini plants!

 

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22 Responses to Did you lose something?

  1. Whew! You DO get your share of challenges, Mrs Mole :) Can’t believe that silly bridesmaid – don’t you know she’s going to be a stand-up, loyal friend?! What was the poor bride thinking?!

    Hopefully this week will bring delightful brides, helpful and subservient bridesmaids, and no stuffers :)

  2. mrsmole says:

    I live in hope, Cheryl! Love the new wrap dress on your blog!!!!!

  3. maureen says:

    As a redhead my self I look good in pink. When ever I wear it I get compliments on how good I look.

  4. BeaJay says:

    Gee you have a stressful job. At least it gives us a chuckle.

  5. Colleen says:

    I love your humor and really appreciate the shared pain of altering bridal wear! I had a new one this week…the Dollar type store is selling pump up boob pads. They start out flat and you pump this little button which makes the pads inflate. This 45 year old bride wanted to wear two sets…so two with each cup trying different positions for different looks! It was hard not to giggle and I got to help her pump up a set to keep things moving along. Can you imagine if one would seep air and make a “passing gas” sound?..they look similer to the pads you sit on for a joke!…..My..my! I also had a bride this week with her strapless dress that she has had for two years or more…returning with a new groom plus an extra 30 pounds. The problem is that the first groom loved her very large tatoo between the shoulder blades and groom #2 has a problem with it showing to his family. You can guess that this will be a challenge through the tears etc….etc. People that do not sew can have some excessive ideas on how to get this done.. with difficult to match lace! I am sure you know this tune…just a different verse! My…my!! Thanks for sharing, Colleen

  6. mrsmole says:

    Inflatable boobs…huge tattoos…who can make this shit up? Some of those back tattoos originate at the top of the butt crack…imagine that on a beach 40 years from now…OH NO! Lace boleros have been popular this year to make a church wedding seem less carnival-like with bugs and skulls and snakes and Asian script writings…Lord save us! Had a bride call to say “I’ve had my dress a year, just tried it on, the weeding is in 2 weeks, and I need at least 3 more inches”…I said no because I just did not need any extra drama 2 weeks before her wedding date. Not every bride is destined for your sewing room! Happy sewing Colleen…love your stories!

    • Colleen says:

      Thanks for the LOL!!!

    • Cindy says:

      Our best tattoo was a tramp stamp that said Hot with the required flames on an older woman. EEWWWW!!! Not attractive! Better yet for her first appointment she had her grandson lace her up. EEWWWW!!!

  7. prttynpnk says:

    Redhead in yellow- not too great. Pink? Stand back- I’m a hottie! I’d love to get angry and lose 20 pounds. What a handy skill!

  8. sewbussted says:

    20 pounds seems to be a magic number here. Is the key to losing weight being asked to stand up in someone’s wedding whom you don’t like? Hmmm, maybe Jenny Craig needs to do a little research on the subject ;)

    • mrsmole says:

      Who knows? Just spending an entire day as a bridesmaid might be the key…pretending to be adoring your friend the bride and wishing you were getting married to Mr. Right but you can’t with your snotty attitude. Envy is a terrible thing…counting everyone elses’s blessings instead of your own and having to wear a pink chiffon dress…oh the indignity of it all!

  9. Wow Mrs. Mole, just wow. A revenge diet is obviously working, she must share the details!

  10. MIchaelC says:

    Love, love love these stories of your alterations. These over the top brides & dresses. I look forward to each post and re-read the older ones for amusement. I will never pass a bridal shop again without thinking of you. Your sense of irony and humor keeps you sane.

    • mrsmole says:

      Thank you, Michael….have a thought for the women working in the back room for minimum wage with bad lighting and stale air and few bathroom breaks too. Not all sewing sisters have a clean bright safe environment to work in or a decent wage. I am blessed!

  11. I like your nail polish, Mrs Mole! It’s pretty shade of green, like jade.

    It’s sad how many people don’t appreciate a favor, but rather feel entitled to it. She probably gets away with a lot using her whiney baby voice. =oP

  12. mrsmole says:

    Thank you, Amy…green is important to me…my house, my sewing room, my carpets…all calming seafoam green…and my eyes… If you listen and watch girls/women with baby voices…it is fascinating as to how the world revolves around them.

  13. Monique says:

    Tattoos, ab-so-lute-ly awful, especially with dresses showing so much flesh. Me of the generation that feels wedding dresses should be modest…
    Losing 20 pounds easily and healthily, now THAT would be welcome. Have a good week, Mrs Mole, with a good percentage of sane and nice brides!

  14. jillybe says:

    You do the BEST job of finding and relaying the humour in your insane bridal challenges :D SO better you than me….. ;-)

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