These are NOT your pants!

Just as the temps rise and the summer season starts women’s thoughts turn to just one thing….kicking back by the pool, sipping margaritas, cutting up ice cold watermelons….ah…no,not really. They all head to the nearest boutique to purchase some linen pants.

I have been noticing something recently altering summer pants…the designers have been doing something weird…again. For some unknown reason they have been fanning out the center back seam from the waistband to the crotch like it was a skirt. The result is 2 HUGE cheeks billowing behind like hippo cheeks. The greatest offender is the popular brand FLAX.

These poor women pay a high price for this basic linen outfit which is called “comfortable”.  All I see when looking at this sad outfit is “pyjamas”. Here is the most recent victim of this cruel hoax:

You can follow my line of pins which incredibly actually follows the vertical grain line. Notice what the center back seam is doing…making an ass of itself by wandering off by 2 inches. WHO has butt cheeks that big??? Where does all that fabric go? Nowhere…it sticks out the back and could actually get caught in a swinging door at Starbucks causing you to spill your iced latte thing in-a-cup.

What else is wrong with these pants you ask? Well they are labeled “S” meaning small but the legs, again being comfortable billow out like clown pants or something you might wear to shoplift.

I’m taking in the side seams too, all the way past the pocket…heck it could stand to be narrowed/eliminated altogether as well. What would you actually store in those kangaroo pockets??? A carton of a dozen eggs? Beach towels???

Seriously, take a look at the lady in brown on the Flax website…she could be a homeless person, lost her job, lost her friends and especially lost her waistline…where is it?

When I checked the inside label it said these pants were made in Lithuania and I am wondering if the women in those factories think that they are making clothes for some American gulag…something Lindsay Lohan would be wearing during her brief prison stays. Shapeless outfits based on a square in dull colors and durable fabrics accessorized with ankle chains and locks would complete “the look”.

If your goal this summer is to wear shapeless comfortable clothes…hey go for it but take a good hard look behind you and make sure you aren’t toting some big cheeks.

Before I go I will leave you some wedding gown photos…the train is beaded lace and is bustled up at 3 points:   Stay cool!

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11 Responses to These are NOT your pants!

  1. I am so glad those are not my pants either, who needs extra butt-cheeks! (hahaha)

  2. handmadejulie says:

    Wow, what a gown!! I love that.

    • mrsmole says:

      It is pretty stunning and considering the front view, not shown, the cleavage was something else with a deep “V” and halter style. Thanks for checking in!

  3. Alethia says:

    It seems that linen does that anyway, billows out the butt. The fabric just loosens up terribly.
    As for the wedding gown, what a beautiful bustle on! I’m impressed that you were able to pull all that up in just three points~ just beautiful!!

    • mrsmole says:

      I was lucky that it had 2 princess seams in the back along with the center seam so I used that as my starting point. Behind each pearl button is a folded wad of silk organza to help stabilize it. Now imagine this gorgeous gown swanning around the Bellagio Hotel and Casino in Las Vegas after her 10 minute wedding. She will certainly turn heads!

  4. prttynpnk says:

    That train, ooh, lovely! Hey! Maybe the extra tuckys fabric could be pinned up similiarly for formal linen looks!

  5. mrsmole says:

    A linen butt bustle…yes indeed!

  6. theresa says:

    Wow, that gown looks stunning either way,train down or up. Oh god, FLAX hasn’t made a decent pair of pants for years and their sizing has always been wacky. The only pair of pants I own from F is wide legged but close in at the hips and waist. They were my copy cat pants. Maybe they are going for those unflattering harem type pants. Who knows? I think the idea of a linen pant bustle might catch on….HA!

  7. knottyewe says:

    I’m glad I found your blog It is full of fasntastic information and hilarous.

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