From time to time clients come to me and ask if I can “help” them out with a prototype of some product they have dreamed up that will certainly make them a fortune. Once I sign the ubiquitous non-disclosure agreement and get paid I never see/
nor give a rat’s ass about what happens next.
This month another weird request came in to assist an art student at a University with her project. While making things for her in the past was not too complicated, straight sewing on normal projects, this one was going way outside my comfort zone/
sense of good taste.
Below are photos of the basic components, click on the photos for a closer look if you want to guess what the final project becomes:
Let’s start with a basic shape, we need a flat circular base about 2 inches high and 27 inches around along with another smaller but taller round shape attached to it. Luckily, I found both these plastic shapes in my fridge after eating the contents aka frozen quiche and cubed watermelon from the grocery store. You may have the same shapes at your house. They were glued together and a strip of polyester batting wound around before being covered.
The material is something like nylon that is somewhat transparent but not too thin. It is shiny on one side and dull on the other. I draped the form and pinned out what was not needed to get the best shape once it was sewn and flipped and trimmed. Once sewn, the remainder was tucked under the rim and pinned and hand stitched to keep it there…OK I used some 505 spray adhesive before that.
So what is it? A Devo hat? Not quite…here is the next component of the project…a heavy metal ring 27 inches around with 3 holes where it will be mounted to a 40 inch tall pedestal . I covered the ring with more polyester batting and then with the nylon fabric and marked the holes with thread.
So, so far we have 2 plastic bowls and a metal ring…big deal, you think, how complicated is that? The next section was the real killer for figuring out the engineering needed to complete the monstrosity.
A solid 27 inch tube of fabric supported only with boning and horsehair braid was next on the schedule. This tube would need to be attached somehow to the metal ring AND the Devo hat. Here is the base with shish-ka-bob sticks inserted into the holes to keep them open for the screws.
And the result??? Get ready….scroll down if you dare…
Yes, my friends….it is the largest condom I have ever seen and it will become part of an art exhibit in the Fall. Imagine that standing straight up mounted on a 40 inch high pedestal with spotlights !
Holy Prophylactic, Batman!
Will I get any credit for the construction and engineering? Not a chance but I will get paid and with this I have decided to never again get involved with prototypes and people’s dreams and crappy little pencil sketches on scraps of paper that earn them kudos, gold stars, a passing grade or big money down the line if they go into production.
I’M STICKING TO BRIDAL ALTERATIONS!!!!
Next time…more badly made custom ordered bridal gowns and the alterations to make them fit well on the special day. I think you have been exposed to enough white fabric for now… have a super weekend!